If you have a point of view about damn near anything, you already know navigating the world these days is tricky, to put it mildly. American culture has become so polarized – at least according to many media outlets — that we’ve been led to believe there are only two types of people: the ones who are for us and the ones who are against us. We’re told over and over that if we disagree on topics like guns or abortion, common ground is an illusion. It’s easy to fall into this kind of “us vs. them” thinking when we decide that an entire human being is nothing more than how they vote or how they think about complicated issues.
But I happen to think the world – and humans – are far more complex and interesting than that.
When I find myself slipping into this kind of thinking trap, I imagine myself looking around at the people I interact with at the barn and at horse shows, because the culture of horses attracts all different kinds of human beings, with all different kinds of lives, values, and backgrounds. You’d be hard-pressed to find a more diverse group of people than those who share a love of horses.
Now before we go any further, let me say this: I know there are very real financial barriers that exclude a lot of folks from participating in equestrian events and I’m not so naive that I don’t see a number of other factors that keep some people from feeling welcome. I know the horse world can be elitist. And that’s a conversation worth having. But let’s have it another day. Today I want to focus on the interactions I have with people from across the spectrum of political and social backgrounds and what that says about differences.
Horse people come together at our barns and various events to enjoy, to celebrate, and to care for these incredible animals we share a passion for. Believe it or not, I trust my life and my horse’s life with people I passionately disagree with on important, complicated issues. Sometimes we talk about these issues, but mostly we live our lives side-by-side and seek common ground where we can, and respectfully disagreeing where we can’t.
We actually have deep friendships despite our differences. I often wonder if those friendships are possible because our relationships with horses have shown us that connection and love can transcend language. We know horses assess us based on our energy and attitude toward them. Are we open, are we kind, are we consistent, are we forgiving, are we respectful, are we trusting? If yes, then we are allowed into their world. That makes me imagine how the human world could be different if we adopted a similar disposition. Horses don’t compartmentalize the way humans do. Horses take us or leave us based on all of who we are with them. They take in all of us and decide if they are safe in our world.
Recently I’ve been sharing more about myself and the things I care about on my social media and in my newsletters. I understand that it’s always a risk to stand for something as a business because many people might prefer that business owners keep their thoughts to themselves. They’d prefer you just sell cute, useful things and keep it moving. But having a business also gives me a platform. And I want to use this platform for sharing things that I care about because they matter not just to me, but to other people, too. At the end of the day, I’m never going to make everyone happy, and that’s okay. I know some of you passionately agree with me on some things and some of you passionately disagree with me on others. But it’s important to me that I show up as my full self. Spoiler alert: I’m a complicated human.
Ultimately, what I know for sure is that most humans are really complicated, too. I also know that when I judge other people based on views they hold, I’m potentially missing out on so much more. When I shut off my curiosity and turn on my judgment, I miss out on learning about another person’s experience and point of view—something that could potentially change my mind or give me more empathy for people who are very different from me.
I also know we can never bridge our differences when we are constantly bracing against each other. Connection comes through softening (what a metaphor for those of us who ride!) and through finding that opening in another person that makes your heart say “Yes! Me too!”
And sometimes that’s as simple as the shared love of a horse.