Lately, I’ve been thinking about the world. I’ve been reflecting on how we live, what it’s like for kids coming of age now, and how things have changed for better and for worse since I was a kid. Mostly, I think it’s just gotten tougher. There are so many things competing for our attention and time. So much content to sift through on a daily basis. So many conflicting messages. And so. much. judgment. It almost feels like “if you’re not with us, you’re against us” has become the unofficial slogan of our society.
As we head into Pride month, I’ve also been thinking about the trans community.
One of my favorite shows is RuPaul’s Drag Race. Not only because the outfits and the makeup and the wigs are truly next level. But also because of the stories. The stories hook me every time.
Many of these artists come from backgrounds where they were rejected outright simply because of who they are. Some of these folks were just kids when their families rejected them. They were left to figure out life entirely on their own.
If this is not your lived experience, it can be confusing to understand. Maybe even a little scary. Many people felt that way 30+ years ago when the gay and lesbian community started demanding more visibility; more human rights. For many people, the “gay lifestyle” was a foreign concept they couldn’t (or didn’t want to) understand. There are still people who don’t understand it today.
And then there’s this:
“Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.” -Marie Curie
At the end of the day, I think a lot of the division we see today comes down to fear. When we’re afraid, we become less curious. Then we try to distance ourselves from things that make us fearful. Just like how our horses might spook when they see a dumpster at the end of the arena, we want to bolt when confronted with things we can’t understand. When we’re triggered, the things we can’t relate to become weird/other/different.
But I’d like to challenge the notion that we have to personally experience something to understand and accept it. Because the reality is that our human experiences are not all that different. We’ve all felt different from others at some point or another. We’ve pretended to be something that we’re not in order to fit in.
We’re simply not as different from each other as we think we are.
I’m not really one to assign homework, so let’s call this a challenge: I challenge you to notice when you feel yourself creating division from someone or something you don’t understand. You don’t have to do anything; just notice.
It takes bravery. And bravery is something my community has in abundance!
But we’re so much more alike than we are different. Everyone has felt rejected at one point or another. Most everyone has also felt loved and included at some point. All of our best and worst experiences may appear different on the surface. But they’re not so different in their actual emotional content. They’re not different in the way they made us feel. And despite our best efforts as humans to claim our cognition and consciousness as greater than our feelings, we are actually beings who are motivated and activated by our emotions.
“Most of us think of ourselves as thinking creatures that feel, but we are actually feeling creatures that think.” –Jill Bolte Taylor
So as we kick off Pride month, let’s be brave. Let’s take this opportunity to remember that we’re a lot more alike than we are different. We all want to feel safe, to be loved, to belong and to be able to be who we are truly meant to be. If you feel uncomfortable with someone expressing who they are, try to notice what you’re feeling. Then go a little bit deeper and imagine what they might be going through. Maybe think of a time when you might have felt the same way.
A little empathy goes a long way and, if you ask me, we could all use a little more love and understanding in the world today.