“God is with those who patiently persevere”

My grandparents had always had horses and so did my parents meaning I was born with horses in my blood. So, it did not come as a surprise that when I was 14 I officially said that I would give anything to have a horse of my own. We sold our camper and that same day I went on the hunt for a horse. I remember the moment that I first lay my eyes upon my heart horse. First my heart started to race as if my body knew it had found home for the first time. My hands shook as my eyes searched wildly around the pasture in which she inhabited. I saw a swish of a tail that was attached to a body that was out of sight. My family was just about to leave, but something was pulling me to the tail that had made my knees buckle just by knowing it was connected to a horse that I would fall in love with. She came out from behind her hiding spot; a beaten shack that was supposed to serve as a barrier against the wind and cold. It was falling apart with rusted nails screeching as the wind applied pressure to its fallen apart exterior. With bated breath I waited until that tail lead up to a face that I will never forget. She came suddenly into my life, one minute I’m living life in the fast lane and then next I was leading a large lesson in patience. She was 3 when I got her, a scrawny, gangly thing; like most yearlings. While the rest of my family was looking at a pretty palomino I had eyes only for her. Little did I know at the time that my life was going to change drastically all because of her.

I waited a year to begin her training with the guidance of my parents and my uncles. The first time we saw her run we were in shock; how could a horse her size run as fast as she was able to. I am still unable to find the words to describe what watching her run is like. It’s similar to watching a caged bird be set free; an awe inspiring moment where the silence is so loud no one dares to say a thing. That was also the moment I realized I had only one chance to teach this horse to hone her abilities and make sure she is able to get the most out of her life. She would not be a caged bird; one of the horses that would not live up to their potential, wasting away in a pasture never to run freely like they were destined to do.

Six months into this she taught me a hard lesson on forgiveness and courage. I was bending down to give her a treat for she had done such a wonderful job lunging for the first time; a huge accomplishment that I was very proud of. But then, tragedy struck as at that exact moment another horse struck the fence causing a deafening zap, it is still the loudest sound that I have ever heard. She flew upwards smacking into my head with hers. I don’t remember much of the experience except that I was in a lot of pain and everyone was yelling. The last thing I remember is holding that carrot in my hand, and then everything fades and I can’t remember much else.

I was diagnosed with a severe concussion and a broken nose with possible skull fractures. This lead to monthly hospital visits, MRI’s, missing three months of my freshman year in high school, and headaches that would bring me to my knees. Yet, my heart still yearned for my horse. I refused to see her for a while afterwards, in fear that I would end up hating her for what she put me through. But as it turns out seeing her made my healing process so much faster.

She taught me that forgiveness is a virtue that many will never have. I forgave her as soon as a saw her, she had done nothing wrong; it was simply her fight or flight reaction kicking in when she heard that zap and saw all of the horses running. At the end of the 6 months of hospital visits I was finally concussion free and the first thing I asked was when could I ride her. Though there are days where the pain is still prominent, when I see the scar on my face, where I forget things I told myself I never would, and times when I realize I will never be the same person I was before.

She gave me the courage to keep going even when I was fearful. She gave me the strength to start over from scratch. Relearning how my brain worked, teaching me new limits for what I could handle, giving me a new outlook on life. I could remain hidden indoors all day avoiding what life had to offer me; let one injury define who or what I was going to be. Or I could take hold of the reins once again and not let this destroy me. I made the right choice and followed my heart; knowing that I would rather injure myself repeatedly than never sit in a saddle again. I am so glad that I made that decision, for one month later, I rode my heart horse for the first time, and it was like finally breathing after months of having water filling my lungs.